weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
