Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Randomize
