peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
Randomize
