How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
i just had sex bonerless
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
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