Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
Randomize
