I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
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