I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
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