My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
Randomize
