I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
Randomize
