The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
Randomize
