Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
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