Taylor Swift is so right about you.
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
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