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ok, stay where you are, be there soon
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
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