We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
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