She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Randomize
