Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Randomize
