if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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