Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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