so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
