I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
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