Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
Randomize
