I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
Randomize
