you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
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