I haven't been this sober since birth.
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Randomize
