We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
Randomize
