if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
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