What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
