Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
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