It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Randomize
