Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
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