Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
Randomize