I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
Randomize
