The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
Randomize
