but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
Do vagina's smell?
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
