I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
a search helicopter?!
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Randomize
