dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
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