Banned from zoo.
Again?
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Randomize
