he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Randomize
