i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
Randomize
