in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
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