Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Randomize
