yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
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Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
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