Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
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