And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
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