You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
Randomize
