why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
I deserve to be covered in dicks
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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