i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Randomize
