I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
Randomize
