I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
Randomize
