So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
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