Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
Randomize
