my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
Randomize
