I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
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