oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
I need to stop coming to work sober
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
Randomize
