im having a threesome with these popsicles
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
