i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
third nipple confirmed
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
