i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
I just sucked dick on a ferry
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
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