I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
Randomize
