i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
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