counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Randomize
