wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
Randomize
