is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
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