Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
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