just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
Randomize
