So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
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