Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
