do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
Randomize
