You smell like a Billy Joel song
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
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He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
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Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
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