I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
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