woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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