i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
Randomize
