Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
Randomize
