Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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