I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
Randomize
