I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
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