I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
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