Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
Randomize
