Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Randomize
