I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
Randomize
