He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Randomize
