butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
Randomize
