these pics are all outta focus - was this what the camera saw? or what your eyes saw?
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
This couple is walking their pig around campus
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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