I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize
